The God Douche

Every douche has a role model... and that role model's role model is Tucker Max, who wrote I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell...
If you consider yourself a true douche (or a follower and disciple of Doucheology) then you better fuckin read this classic piece of work.

Here's a lil preview from the book, a short story from the blowjob chapter:

"High school was the first time I realized that blow jobs would be a painful pleasure. I was dating a girl from another school in my area. Besides being one of the hottest girls I've ever known, she was also one of the very first girls to give me head. We were both new at it, and she liked me to courtesy tap. This was because I had convinced her that--I'm not making this up--it wasn't "real" oral sex as long as I didn't come in her mouth. Aren't 17 year old girls funny?

The first few dozen times she went down on me I courtesy tapped just like she asked. One time we were in my car, parked right out front of her house because I was dropping her off after a date. Instead of a kiss goodnight, I suggested she blow me goodnight. She thought this was a brilliant idea.

I quickly got carried away with the risk and thrill of having her suck my dick twenty yards away from her house where her father, who I hated, was waiting for her to come home. I was lost in the sexual ecstasy of the dangerous youthful blowjob when I heard her let out a little yelp. She immediately sat up, her mouth half open, full of splooge, the excess dripping off her chin, and uttered a muffled,

"You asshole!"

Then she spit the come all over my face. Sprayed it all over me.

I was still recovering from getting my own jism spat into my own face as she jumped out of my car and sprinted into her house. I quickly drove off. I had no desire to face her rifle-wielding father with my face covered in her spit and my sperm.

Once I was out of imminent danger, I couldn't help but laugh, even though I had no idea that this would only be the first in a long line of strange blowjob incidents."

This story is MILD compared to how sick the rest of the book is... trust me... go buy (or download, i dont really give a fuck)